"I thought I was past this!"

So you’re on your spiritual journey. You’ve allowed those negative patterns of thought and behavior to surface so you can learn from them, and you’ve finally moved beyond them. You’ve reached this whole new level. You can see clearly now. You understand the big picture. And then like clockwork, your negative patterns start showing up again. At first you’re like, “okay I got this. I know who I am; I know what I’m doing. I don’t have to give into these negative thoughts and behaviors I so easily gave into before.” But before you know it, you’re a confused muddled mess of a person, being swept away by the thoughts and behaviors of your former self.

Why does this happen? Why is it that once you’ve reached that higher level, you’re suddenly faced with the same issues you were sure you’d moved past?

That’s the question I’ve come to recently. I reached a state of awareness that was so beyond anything I'd reached thus far in my journey and it felt so natural and flowed so easily that I felt as if I had made it, I guess you could say. I’ve been to this place a few times now where I feel like I’ve made it. Each time I arrive here, it’s like a new and higher level than before. When this has happened, I’ve felt tapped into the big picture of everything and I’ve understood completely how and why each thing was occurring. Even when something would pop up from my old way of thinking I would still be detached enough from it and aware of the big picture enough that I would be able to interact and act out the proper reactions to whatever was happening without truly being swept away by those reactions. It really was almost as if I was acting out my life in a sense, just to play into the story of life while being aware the entire time that I was interacting with parts of myself who didn't remember they were God.

 And then each time as more and more old patterns of negativity started to surface, I realized that these were lessons I still hadn't integrated fully. So I allowed myself to give into them a bit in order to fully learn the lessons. Then before I knew it I would be swept away by the emotions of whatever situation was happening and I’d keep finding myself falling back into little bouts of depression, fear and anger. During these experiences I am still aware of the big picture at least on some level, but to a certain extent the experience keeps overriding my big picture understanding. I think this is because I start feeling like I’ve failed in some way. I start feeling like these old patterns shouldn’t be showing up still if I’ve really reached the level I feel like I’ve reached. But luckily I’m still aware that nothing happens unless it should, and that these things are showing up exactly as they should and they’re showing up for a purpose.

I’ve come to start thinking of this spiritual process as a spiral. It almost feels like a circle: you seem to go around and around, always reaching the same place over and over where these lessons reoccur as if you hadn’t learned from them before. BUT if you think of it as a spiral, you’re still going around and around, still reaching the same lessons as before, only each time you reach the lessons you are now further out (or higher up) in the spiral. You’re learning those lessons from a totally new and higher perspective.

So this would explain why it is that once you’ve reached a higher level of understanding, all your old ways of thinking and patterns of behavior start to resurface. This could come in the form of an old friend that really triggered this or that reaction in you, or it could come in the form of money troubles… whatever form these lessons take is unique to your experience. These are lessons that you came here to learn from. These are things that you planned out for yourself to aid in your growth, and to help you in the process of knowing yourself as you truly are.

So when these things start showing up again, pat yourself on the back. You’ve leveled up! You’re now further up in the spiral of your own existence. There’s nothing for you to worry about. This spiraling process is simply your way of being thorough. You are learning what you came here to learn on every level possible as you travel up the spiral higher and higher. This is a process of patience and faith. Know that you planned this out perfectly for yourself, and that you always have the best intentions for yourself. You can trust YOU. The fact that you're this conscious about the process already is a testament to how well you're doing, how dedicated you are to knowing yourself as you truly are. Congratulations on your progress. I love you.